Changes, changing, changed

How I have gotten complacent.  Not challenging myself.  Not physically or emotionally.  My job was great but I was stagnant.  This job hunt is challenging.  I'm having to relocate & rev up my brain and my confidence.  Convincing people that I am a good nurse, a strong nurse, and an excellent employee is new.  Reminding myself to stop & listen.  Listen & learn.  Find my humility.  These are good lessons no matter what.  Lessons that I want to hang on to and keep for my RV adventure.  I think I will be much more fun to hang out with once I have done this :0)  I'm excited about the challenges that await me.  I'm also a little scared for the change.  Excitement is starting to trump scared :0)  I've only made it to phone interview so far.  Hopefully, I'm getting better at convincing them of my skills.  I'll keep you posted. 

3 weeks is my limit

Sitting on my butt tolerance = 3 weeks.  I am recovered and ready to move on.  Still waiting for some lab results so I can go sign up with the nursing agencies.  All is well here. 

"Life is a long lesson in humility" - James Matthew Barrie

I love Merikay's comment - Breathe Deep. Walk the dogs. Dream of the future!  I did that.  Went to my happy place, the planet of happy dogs, at the dog park.   We have the best dog park EVER here at Cherry Creek State park.  I hadn't been there in some time.  All the plants and trees are shutting down for the winter.  I'm sorry that I forgot my camera, no pictures :0(   Happy dogs make me smile and laugh.  For me, laughing fixes just about anything.  I also got to talk to some other people enjoying happy dogs.  It was a good time, I will go back soon and get you some pictures.   

The title of this post is a quote I found while I was looking for inspiration.  I am so excited (and scared) about moving on to try something new.  I find myself saying things that I regret.  My mouth has always gotten me into trouble, I thought it was improving as I got older.   I catch myself saying sentences that end "... but that was eleven years ago"  That statement is not helpful to anyone and makes me look like a fool.  I'm going in search of my humility.  Breathing deep and reminding myself that I am no longer in a senior role.  I am here to listen and be receptive.  My purpose is to study and learn and carefully progress.  No more teaching or advising for now :0)

$600 Mistake

Oops, not a good thing to do when I'm unemployed.  For some reason, I had it in my little brain that I had work health insurance for 30 days after I left.  Not so much!  Just found out that my insurance stopped on October 31st.   So I spent yesterday figuring out if the lab work I need for agency nursing will cost more than COBRA health insurance.  The answer is, about the same.  What a different world it is without health insurance.  COBRA health insurance is not the most financially fiscal way to go, if I had thought to double check, I would have planned ahead and saved a few hundred bucks.  At least I'm not spending money on cigarettes. 

On stress.  What is it with me???  I know I have enough money to get by for now.  I know I will be able to earn more money soon.  I know everything will be fine.  Why does my brain insist on being stressed out??  I just don't get it.  I want to be able to enjoy this adventure.  Not sure what to do.  For now, I'm going to go fix my mistake and keep putting one foot in front of the other.  Hope all is well.  Take care and be gentle with each other.   

and BREATHE!

First time in many years that I have had > 7 days off in a row (except for breaking my leg several years ago).  This is my 8th unemployed day.  I've noticed that all the people I interact with are much nicer.  I'm not silly enough to believe that everyone else in the world suddenly changed, it MUST be me.  Am I being nicer??  I think so.  I know I'm smiling more.  It was SO time to leave that job.  I am suitably freaked out that I do not have a job yet.  I know for sure I will have SOMETHING that pays money within 1.5 weeks.  I have checked my bank account repeatedly to re-assure myself that we will be o.k.  The money from the truck sale is helping give a little cushion.  Unfortunately, my paid off credit card is not so paid off any more.  That will get fixed.  I am writing cover letters, learning about the changes in job hunting over the last 11 years, and getting all my paperwork together for the temp nursing agencies.   I was going to try to get scrubs from GoodWill or ARC but I wated too long.  Checked 3 stores Friday and there wasn't much choice because people had cleaned them out for Halloween. 

In addition, I've managed to get ALL the dirty clothes off my closet floor.  Haven't done that in many months.  I'm about to finish the last 2 loads today.  I gave up on my camera, found a good sale and got another one.  Not a good choice when I don't have any money coming in...  Good choice for blogland though.  There will finally be pictures back in my blog. 

In the spirit of BREATHE...  smoking stops tomorrow.  This seems a good time.  New car that I don't want to smell like smoke and applying for jobs that are not smoking compatible.  I don't have to worry about alcohol interference because it's not in the budget.  Also, my CPR class confirmed all my worst fears about my current physical condition.  It was pitiful.  I just can't present myself to patients as a nurse, like this.  Besides, one month of cigarettes will pay for that new camera. 

So, here we go again!!  Last time!!  Me & You Together. 

Hope all is well.  Thanks for hanging in with me while I was maxed out at the end of the job. 
Take care and be gentle with each other.  I'll keep you posted.

On Bruce and Margie

I started getting caught up with my bloggers yesterday morning.  The first thing I realized was that we had lost some friends.  I was so sad, haven't cried that hard in a while.  How kind it was for their daughter to get on Margie's blog and get us updated.  I was hoping to meet Margie some day and get all her Weight Watcher's RV eating success secrets.  Another opportunity missed while I wait to get on the road. 

My attitude about death is unusual, and something I don't share with most people.  When I get so sad, I know it's sadness for me and for their family.  We will miss them.  Our lives are diminished without them around for us to touch.  There is not an ounce of me that is sad for the dead ones.  They've got it made!  Joy and giggles are found as I think of what they get to do, and not do, now....

--  Their rig will never break down
--  They never have to dump another tank
--  The weather will never be too hot, too humid, too cold, or too anything. 
--  They will never have to fill the rig with gas again. 
--  No bumpy roads or rude neighbors
--  No accidents, EVER
--  No insurance to pay or paperwork to deal with. 
--  No points to count or dishes to wash
--  No dog poop to pick up
--  They can be anywhere, anytime, as fast or as slow as they want to get there. 
--  No unruly crowds or long lines. 
--  There will always be a perfect spot for their rig, with a fabulous view and with any hook-ups they want. 
--  Money is never a problem
--  No sadness, no worry.  Only play and joy and friends and beauty.
--  They get to watch and be with all their family & friends all the time. 

I could go on and on.  Still writing through tears.  I am sad for myself.  For all of us that will never get to meet Bruce and Margie in this life.  So sad for their family.  My prayers and good thoughts are with them. 

Phew! Lots of change

So, I've been officially unemployed for 5 days.  I've filled out online applications for 2 local hospitals.  I'm just not sure what kind of direct patient care I'm most interested in.  I REALLY want a job at the dialysis center.  I'm leaning more & more towards agency nursing.  I've been working on getting my paper work together.  The stuff I will need to get a job agency nursing.   There is a little part of me that thinks...  I agency nursing works out for me, maybe I could hit the road in 2011 instead of 2012.  That makes me giggle a little :0)  I just have no idea what I would do with the dogs if I had to go out to work 40 hours per week.  I have a daycare place for them here.  Could I find that in every other place I work?  I'm getting ahead of myself.  Spending my days focused on relocating all my marbles.  Catching up on housework.  This is my second day of laundry.  Didn't even realize I had that many clothes.  I'm going to take my CPR class this afternoon and I'm going by Goodwill to look for scrubs.  I've found my stethescope and my nursing shoes but I need some white socks and new work panties.  I know,  TMI.  The most fun is I get to try some catch up on my blog buddies this morning. 

Hope all is well and going smoothly.  Take care and be gentle with each other.