I am smart enough not to leave a job in anger or make hasty decisions. So I made some lists, I like lists. Getting it all out there in black and white. All the pros and cons, over a couple of days. I had made the decision to move on from my job. Then, they got wind of it and sat me down for a chat. They have made some minor adjustments to my schedule, for now, and assure me that 2-3 months I will get the shift I want. I'm confident I will get part of what I want, schedule-wise, but that doesn't fix the rest of my list. I've promised I will reconsider. In the process of considering all this, I rec'd my yearly statement from my retirement plan that informs me if I hang in there for a mere 12 more years, I will get $3,000+ dollars per month, with full benefits for the rest of my life. WHAT TIMING! It's like something, out there is just checking to make sure I'm really sure. It's difficult to make the decision to turn my back on a sure thing. Since my brain has been messing with me most of my life, I've gone through lots of times when I've had to just buckle down and hold on. During those times, I've told myself, 'there are only 3 things you HAVE to do' 1. Stay out of jail 2. Support yourself financially 3. Pay taxes. I've done that, and if I stick with what I am doing, for the next 12 years, it will be completed. This job may change, but it's not going anywhere, I will have this job for the next 12 years if I want it. I have accomplished my lifelong goal.
So, the question is... Is that enough for me? Do I want to live that way? Do I want to wait? Is it worth the risk? What are the risks? Who could I hurt? What's the worst case scenario? Who do I want to be? What kind of life do I want? What is out there, that I will miss? What are the benefits?
I've been thinking that these are also questions I would be asking myself as I got closer to my take-off date. This job issue has just brought it up sooner. You see, the majority of pros, on my list for getting a new job, had to do with how it work into my full-timing in 1.5 years. If it weren't for that goal, there would not be enough good reasons to leave what I have now.
For now, I'm still thinking and making lists. I work this weekend and have made arrangements to bounce some things off my brother on Monday. I think I've already made my decision but it changes. Thank goodness I have a week off in two weeks. I'll keep you posted.
Hope all is well out in blogland. I'm trying to keep up with the blogs I follow, but this schedule does not suit me. I'm basically working and sleeping. Not much more. I've gained back the 20 pounds I lost and I'm smoking again (both things that are pushing me towards a new job). I feel like I'm in a haze.
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