Saturday, August 21, 2010

Will This Be My First Big Step?

I am smart enough not to leave a job in anger or make hasty decisions.  So I made some lists, I like lists.  Getting it all out there in black and white.  All the pros and cons, over a couple of days.  I had made the decision to move on from my job.  Then, they got wind of it and sat me down for a chat.  They have made some minor adjustments to my schedule, for now, and assure me that 2-3 months I will get the shift I want.  I'm confident I will get part of what I want, schedule-wise, but that doesn't fix the rest of my list.  I've promised I will reconsider.  In the process of considering all this, I rec'd my yearly statement from my retirement plan that informs me if I hang in there for a mere 12 more years, I will get $3,000+ dollars per month, with full benefits for the rest of my life.  WHAT TIMING!  It's like something, out there is just checking to make sure I'm really sure.  It's difficult to make the decision to turn my back on a sure thing.  Since my brain has been messing with me most of my life, I've gone through lots of times when I've had to just buckle down and hold on.  During those times, I've told myself,  'there are only 3 things you HAVE to do' 1. Stay out of jail 2. Support yourself financially 3. Pay taxes.  I've done that, and if I stick with what I am doing, for the next 12 years, it will be completed.  This job may change, but it's not going anywhere, I will have this job for the next 12 years if I want it.  I have accomplished my lifelong goal. 

So, the question is...  Is that enough for me? Do I want to live that way? Do I want to wait? Is it worth the risk?  What are the risks? Who could I hurt? What's the worst case scenario? Who do I want to be? What kind of life do I want? What is out there, that I will miss? What are the benefits?

I've been thinking that these are also questions I would be asking myself as I got closer to my take-off date.  This job issue has just brought it up sooner.  You see, the majority of pros, on my list for getting a new job, had to do with how it work into my full-timing in 1.5 years.  If it weren't for that goal, there would not be enough good reasons to leave what I have now.

For now, I'm still thinking and making lists.  I work this weekend and have made arrangements to bounce some things off my brother on Monday.  I think I've already made my decision but it changes.  Thank goodness I have a week off in two weeks.  I'll keep you posted. 

Hope all is well out in blogland.  I'm trying to keep up with the blogs I follow, but this schedule does not suit me.  I'm basically working and sleeping.  Not much more.  I've gained back the 20 pounds I lost and I'm smoking again (both things that are pushing me towards a new job).  I feel like I'm in a haze.


Me and My Dog said...

Gosh, Katie, it's tough to be on the fence like that. I always say, "Am I happy?" If not, I move on. Course, that's why I don't have any retirement! But 12 more YEARS? Ouch. I'm sorry you gained back the weight and started smoking again. You'll get back on track. I hope your brother has some good insight for you.

Judy and Emma said...

Those are some tough decisions you've got there, and you are really the only one that can make them. Good luck! :)

Merikay said...

Al I can say is don't jump until you have something better and in hand.

Re smoking: Try, try, and try again. It took me ten years, but I finally got sick of trying and did it! Don't give up. Quit again right now.

Susan said...

Hang in there, Katie. You will make the right decision, even if it is the long term one, time flies, just keep focused on your goal. Best of luck to you.

LG61820 said...

A real quandry for you. Nobody ever said life would be easy. . . some things to consider in no particular order: you'll probably be "retired" longer than you worked & a guaranteed income is nothing to sneeze at. a job that grinds you down can be soul deadening.
full health care benefits may become more important to you as the years go by. does leaving earlier than 12 years mean you will never receive a pension? What can be done to make the current situation more tolerable? (Can you tell I'm in a somewhat similar quandry?)

Regarding the weight gain and the smoking I have a couple of thoughts. As soon as possible get back on the weight loss trail. Gaining that weight can start a vicious cycle. I let the 20# turn into 40 before I got back on track.

As to the smoking, you'll try again and when you do you need to realize that you will ALWAYS want one at certain times, and when you want one you will forget all the reasons that you quit, but when you start again it won't be as good as you anticipated although the bad parts will still be there. I wanted to smoke yesterday (as usual) but I lived through the situation and am happier for it. LG